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In the Obscurity

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I remember months back I was sitting amongst a small crowd in SE Portland on a Sunday night listening to someone talk about these specific moments that we find ourselves in.

When we are finally by ourselves.

 

Hearing our own breath.

 

Left to the only voices that reside on the inside of us, whether or not they come from places of truth.

This reality of ‘obscurity’ and what it means for us to be found in that place...

 

That place of being alone.

 

And I remember thinking to myself,

 

'I don’t want that. 

That’s not my place.'

 

It sounded so lonely,

 

And dark,

 

And depressive.

 

It sounded like a place all too familiar, a place I was trying to escape that very week, day, month.

 

But, the more I listened,

 

The more I was overcome with intrigue.

 

Because He shared that the times in which we are surrounded by the masses don’t typically offer us the true clarity that we need to know more about who we are.

But rather its in the moments where we get alone.

 

Where we are left to our own thoughts

 

Where we can finally gain understanding of the underlying that has been boiling from within.

 

The things that we feel but can’t necessarily put a name to because we never take the time to actually process out what could be happening deep down.

 

And in this moment I find comfort in those words I heard that have even more relevance today than the day I first heard them. 

 

Because as I’m in a new city

 

And as I’m desperate to discover my place

 

My people

 

And how to operate in all the unfamiliar

 

I find myself in this place of obscurity that I used to run from

 

Because I’ve been there before

 

We all experience this at some time

 

And sometimes I’ve embraced it

 

But this time I’ve wanted to run

 

Because there are people that know me back home

 

There is more I can identify with there

 

There was significance and freedom and lots of assurance

 

And when I look around in this new place life feels a lot more narrow,

 

And now I know what it means when people say the walls feel like they are closing in

 

But then I’m reminded

 

If I can get to that place

 

If I can allow this obscurity

 

These moments that our society avoids with all intention because it means we actually have to get through the pain and hurt and fears

 

But the beauty in the midst of this desolate place

Is that there is so much hope to find the truth 

And it actually yields for such a discovery...

 

To hear the Voice of all Voices

 

The one that tells me about who I am when I’m searching for something to cling to,

 

A word, a sentence, a direction, an encouragement

 

And He meets me

 

And He knows me

 

And He says that this discomfort is momentary.

 

Because so often we want things to spring up from the ground so quickly

 

But He isn’t pressed by our hastened hearts that demand immediacy

 

And He isn’t concerned that we might have a momentary feeling of the unknown

 

Because those are times where we can begin to grow in a way that has lasting implications

 

That actually allow the once starving roots of our hearts to wait out the water that He is surely to supply 

 

And so in these days that have felt so long

 

And different

 

And sometimes purpose-less

 

I have begun to speak the words that I’ve needed over my restlessness and doubts

 

And in a moment when I wanted to hide from it...

I went to the water

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And I took my camera

 

And I knew I needed to go into the spaces that can be so difficult for me to enter into when I’m in a daze of emotional distress

 

But I was met in that place

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When I chose to begin again

 

Begin to create

 

Begin to believe

 

Begin to be inspired by these places instead of intimidated, put-off, and even resentful

 

And this feeling began to overcome that which was overcoming me just moments before

 

And the truth started to come out

 

That there is more for me in this place

 

There is more for us

 

And it must be discovered

 

There must be a yes

 

There must be a stepping out

 

And even amidst obscurity, I realized again that I was free.

 

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