In the Obscurity


I remember months back I was sitting amongst a small crowd in SE Portland on a Sunday night listening to someone talk about these specific moments that we find ourselves in.

When we are finally by ourselves.


Hearing our own breath.


Left to the only voices that reside on the inside of us, whether or not they come from places of truth.

This reality of ‘obscurity’ and what it means for us to be found in that place...


That place of being alone.


And I remember thinking to myself,


'I don’t want that. 

That’s not my place.'


It sounded so lonely,


And dark,


And depressive.


It sounded like a place all too familiar, a place I was trying to escape that very week, day, month.


But, the more I listened,


The more I was overcome with intrigue.


Because He shared that the times in which we are surrounded by the masses don’t typically offer us the true clarity that we need to know more about who we are.

But rather its in the moments where we get alone.


Where we are left to our own thoughts


Where we can finally gain understanding of the underlying that has been boiling from within.


The things that we feel but can’t necessarily put a name to because we never take the time to actually process out what could be happening deep down.


And in this moment I find comfort in those words I heard that have even more relevance today than the day I first heard them. 


Because as I’m in a new city


And as I’m desperate to discover my place


My people


And how to operate in all the unfamiliar


I find myself in this place of obscurity that I used to run from


Because I’ve been there before


We all experience this at some time


And sometimes I’ve embraced it


But this time I’ve wanted to run


Because there are people that know me back home


There is more I can identify with there


There was significance and freedom and lots of assurance


And when I look around in this new place life feels a lot more narrow,


And now I know what it means when people say the walls feel like they are closing in


But then I’m reminded


If I can get to that place


If I can allow this obscurity


These moments that our society avoids with all intention because it means we actually have to get through the pain and hurt and fears


But the beauty in the midst of this desolate place

Is that there is so much hope to find the truth 

And it actually yields for such a discovery...


To hear the Voice of all Voices


The one that tells me about who I am when I’m searching for something to cling to,


A word, a sentence, a direction, an encouragement


And He meets me


And He knows me


And He says that this discomfort is momentary.


Because so often we want things to spring up from the ground so quickly


But He isn’t pressed by our hastened hearts that demand immediacy


And He isn’t concerned that we might have a momentary feeling of the unknown


Because those are times where we can begin to grow in a way that has lasting implications


That actually allow the once starving roots of our hearts to wait out the water that He is surely to supply 


And so in these days that have felt so long


And different


And sometimes purpose-less


I have begun to speak the words that I’ve needed over my restlessness and doubts


And in a moment when I wanted to hide from it...

I went to the water



And I took my camera


And I knew I needed to go into the spaces that can be so difficult for me to enter into when I’m in a daze of emotional distress


But I was met in that place



When I chose to begin again


Begin to create


Begin to believe


Begin to be inspired by these places instead of intimidated, put-off, and even resentful


And this feeling began to overcome that which was overcoming me just moments before


And the truth started to come out


That there is more for me in this place


There is more for us


And it must be discovered


There must be a yes


There must be a stepping out


And even amidst obscurity, I realized again that I was free.