What would a mother do?
Never have I asked myself this question so many times in the last six days.
Part of me wonders if I had ever asked myself that question seriously until I had arrived at New Hope last week for a more permanent stay.
I have dove in with these girls. I have begun to learn their lives much more closely with a different mission than before because I am making my home with them. Their bedroom is my bedroom, their kitchen my kitchen, their house my house, their world my world.
I am constantly challenged to look outside myself and honestly it truly is hard to focus on my needs and wants when I have almost 30 little ones surrounding me waiting to see my next move.
There are 14 that live in the house and almost 30 that attend and each day I am met with the reality of seeking to love each one of them in the way that is best fit for their needs, personality, and current state of mood/desire. It is a delicate task to try and share attention with many little people at one time but it is a challenge that continually grows me and calls me higher.
Each morning when I rise I meet with my King. I share time with Him and oh it is food for my soul!!! We reflect, and talk, and journal, and kneel. It is amazing how alive this time has become because it is how I am surviving… Through the power and filling of the Holy Spirit who enables and commissions the love and acts to flow forth out of a heart desperate to obey and find wholeness only in Him.
I am eating up Romans right now and it is speaking right into my situation and the story of the New Hope girls. I was cut to the heart in reading Romans 8, the whole thing, but these specific verses still ring in my ears,
“’So then, brothers, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit of Slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoptions as sons, “ by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs- heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.” Romans 8:12-17
I see the war.
It rises and falls.
The battle between good and evil.
The war between flesh and Spirit.
I watch these girls share moments of friendship, of courage, of bravery, and joy and then also I watch them fall and yell and cry and pout. I watch them reject and be selfish and try to fight their own battles and crash and burn time and time again.
They find themselves in a storm and oftentimes I see on their faces that they know what the “right” thing to do is but still they succumb to the opposite… To what they have chosen before… The so called “easier” way instead of disciplining themselves in the ways of the Spirit that they have received.
DOES GRACE ABOUND.
Time and time again it does.
G R A C E.
Because… If you can imagine…. We live like a family.
And the same sister that hurts you with their words and fist is the same one you share a bed with when it is time to go to sleep.
I continue to watch grace flood over these relationships and lives truly like a waterfall flowing from our Father’s hands. I can’t help but rejoice when I see God win. When His heart and His love is displayed in a way that causes me to worship my good Father.
I am learning. I am growing. I am praying. I am tired. But I am resting in the calling the I have received and when the Spirit speaks He is clear….
“Not YOUR strength… but MINE.”
“Not YOUR love… but MINE.”
“Not YOUR plans… but MINE.”
“Not YOUR burdens… but MINE.”
Thank you God that you endure, you come near, you speak and you ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS show yourself faithful in this crazy loco house. You are keeping us close because I know that you surely are not done with us yet. What an adventure of healing, sanctification, and life have you welcomed not only these little girls but also myself and the others that step foot within these walls. I look into YOUR eyes and wait on YOUR voice to command my next move… I lean on your understanding and I am trusting that you are indeed making something beautiful.